segunda-feira, 21 de julho de 2008


A algum tempo atrás uma amiga me presentou ao Craigslist, eu conhecia só de ouvir falar, em um albergue na Espanha conheci um americano que tinha vendido tudo para viajar pelo mundo com uma mochila, duas camisetas, duas calças e dois pares de sapato. Ele comentou que tinha vendindo algumas coisas pelo Craigslist, na época achei estranho. Nunca mais o craigslist apareceu em uma conversa minha, até a Ana me falar que tinha lido um post divertidíssimo por lá. Aí como sou curiosa resolvi dar uma xeretada...e adorei, desde então leio os posts sempre e sempre é uma diversão. Hoje conversando com um amigo descobri que o craigslist tem um "The Best of" com o melhor dos posts de todas as cidades, fui dar uma olhada e selecionei os que mais me fizeram rir.

Autographed Copy of Plato's Republic

Date: 2008-07-09, 11:00AM CDT

1st edition of The Republic signed by its author. There is of course a reasonable amount of wear and tear, (light highlighting and underlining, dog-eared pages, back cover missing, etc.), but it is in overall good condition considering its age.

First come first serve
  • Location: chicago loop
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Doormat seeks muddy boots

Date: 2008-07-10, 12:20PM PDT

Do you have a drinking problem? Do you believe your crappy childhood exempts you from having to be nice to other people? Is "enraged" the only emotion you are capable of feeling? Do you make twice as much as me, yet still need to borrow money a week after you get paid? If so, I am the lady for you! I'm a queer femme who enjoys being yelled at, ignored, and told what is best for me. I'm short, thin (maybe that will trigger your teenage eating disorder issues! Feel free to blame me!), and smart (unless you find that threatening! In which case I am not as smart as you!). I do have clinical depression, which I manage with medication and, ideally, a steady supply of judgment from you. I'm looking to continue along my current dating path with someone who is immature, unpleasant, and bad at listening. Bonus points if you:

-fetishize my mixed-race background, use it to impress your liberal white friends, and know exactly what "my people" are doing wrong
-make "ironic" racist jokes
-are a spoiled-ass mama's boy
-have no friends of your own, preferring to use me for all of your emotional needs (if you must have your own friends, I would rather you use them to cheat on me and/or commiserate about what a terrible girlfriend I am)
-hate fat people (although I am not fat myself, I love it when people rip on my friends and expect me to agree because of my genetics)
-understand that being an asshole and apologizing for it later is exactly the same as not being an asshole in the first place
-use "non-normatively gendered" as a synonym for "teeming with internalized misogyny"

Hopefully we can build a lasting relationship and maybe move in together so that you can decorate the apartment with old beer cans filled with cigarette butts and containers of half-eaten takeout food covered in fruit flies. Don't worry, I'll clean up after you. I'd prefer if you are white and middle-class so you can lord it over me all the time. Physical age unimportant as long as you are emotionally 9 years old. Your pic gets mine!!!

MISS ME! Goddamnit!! - m4w

Date: 2008-07-08, 12:00AM EDT

Every week I check this damn thing to see if anyone in this city of millions has missed me. What gives?
I ride the train no less than twice a day, five or more days a week. I'm pressed against some of you in the commute to/from work. Haven't any of you women missed me?

I go to the park. I shop at places. I walk around. I wear shoes. I have ear phones. I drink stuff. Where's my missed connection? Start missing me already, goddamnit. I am very easy to miss.

Monday: Go to work after the weekend. Try not to sweat in the sweltering humidity of the subway. No one misses a sweater. Listen to music to drown out the reality of being stuck in the train with a million strangers; avoid eye contact at all cost. Bullshit about the weekend with the coworkers until quitting time. Get caught up on CL.

Tuesday: Go to work. Eat at one of same four places around work. Walk around a little during lunch, hoping to bump into someone new. Go home and contact friends to make plans for the weekend. Check CL.

Wednesday: Go to work. Getting adventurous now and spend most of lunch break wandering around trying to find someplace new to eat. Realize nothing of interest has been built since I checked last week. End up eating at one of four usual places. Try taking a different route home. This time try to make eye contact with as many strangers as I can on train/bus/ferry/foot.

Thursday: Go to work. Spend most of lunch hour running errands, returning library material, getting money from the bank, and calling up friends to reconfirm plans. Go shopping after work. Walk up and down each aisle to make doubly sure everyone has had a chance to miss me. Get home and get frustrated that still no one has posted with my description.

Friday: Go to work. Spend all day waiting for work to end. Take smoking break. Look around for smokers to miss. Get out of work. Forget all about CL. Find friends and go eating/drinking/event attending. See more strangers in one night than rest of week combined. Stumble home at ungodly hour.

Saturday: Wake up at some point. Roll over to the park. Maybe check out a museum. Try to look deep and lost in thought. Feel envious of all the people missing connections right before my eyes. Think about posting when I get home. Get home and forget or become crushed by laziness or the ennui of it all. Look up ennui in dictionary.

Sunday: Fuck it. I'm sleeping in. I'm doing laundry. I'm ordering take-out. I'm not leaving the damn house. You've had your chances all week. I'm taking a me day. I'm reading a book. And by reading, I mean surfing the internet; whereas by book, I mean porn. Knock myself out with the usual roofie-colada, wine + sleeping pill, so I can wake up in the morning and pack myself into an overcrowded train to get to work and check CL.

Fucking miss me already. I can't do this forever.
  • Location: the train
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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